| Is it such a bad thing to focus on myself for a good while? I mean, I have a lot going on right now. I have 4 exams next week, I just started a new job, the holidays are coming up and I'm dealing with all that (I hate the holidays) and right now I really don't have a lot of compassion for anyone but myself. I haven't been calling and talking to people unless they call me first because I really don't feel the need to right now. I have better and more important things to do than call up people and hear them complain to me about shit. And if they want to call and complain to me, thats ok, I'm just not all that compassionate right now.
Is that such a bad thing? I mean, I believe that to fully care for another person you must first care for your self. Right now, I don't give a fuck about any body but myself.
I have a friend who is mad at me cause she says that shes been texting me all week trying to talk to me, but I haven't gotten a single one of those texts. Why not just call me if you need me? Seriously. But its been nice not to have to listen to her bull shit and her same broken recored problems. Maybe I'll call her back sometime this week. Maybe I won't. I don't know, but I have this sinking/good feeling that, if I never call her back, I won't lose sleep over it.
Does this make me a bad person?
Like I said before, I don't care. I'm just looking out for #1 right now and trying to keep myself as sane as possible.
And I like it so far.
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Of course this might all change with in the next 3 to 9 days, but right now, this is how I feel.
And I do actually get on Xanga a lot, I just post all my posts to private. Kind of like a nice little diary.
Except this one. I felt it was safe enough to be a public post.
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| I'm Legal
Everyone be warned.
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| Mmmm.
Things are good.
That might change in the course of the next 24 hours.
But for right now....
Things are good.
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| You know, why does it seem like everything is going right yet so wrong right now?
I mean, there is the whole thing with people already starting rumors about me 3 days into the new semester.
I got made fun of today by some stupid sophomore. I wanted to punch him in the face.
I don't exactly feel the greatest right now. I haven't worked out in ages, so that might be why.
Oh, and I feel fat and disgusting, not to mention that.
I'm sick of only having a had full of friends left at the high school.
I'm sick of being IN high school.
And I'm sick of feeling this way.
I don't know if this is just me being at the tail end of my birth control pill pack or what, but I just... ugh.. feel hormonal.
I mean, I shouldn't feel like this.
All sad and pitiful.
I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me.
I got accepted into the college that I want.
I've got great friends and family.
I'm doing really well in school.
I just don't get it.
....
I'm taking a shower then going to bed.
Maybe I'll feel better in the morning.
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